


My Therapy

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Established Holtzbert, F/F, Holtzbert Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 16:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9132742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: My fic for the Holtzbert Secret Santa gift exchange :D The prompts were holtzbert, holiday themes, music related prompts, space and science?? :p, NYC? - I hope I did them justice ;) Bit of depression, Christmas-themes and fluff up ahead!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [saltyparabolasholtzmann](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saltyparabolasholtzmann/gifts).



> Happy New Year everyone! :D

_Come and take me off my daily dose of pain_  
_Take me off and shelter me_  
 _From this static nothing_  
 _You're the antidote_  
 _For solitude injected in my veins_  
 _May the touch of your hand_  
 _forever be my therapy_

_Kamelot – My Therapy_

Already before they had started dating, Holtzmann had gotten quite good at reading Erin’s moods, and that skill only had increased once the physicist and she had gotten together – and so, she could easily tell that, during the days leading up to Christmas, Erin’s mood plummeted more with each day that passed.

The engineer was perfectly aware that Erin not only struggled with anxiety, but, on not so good days, with depression, as well; she’d never seen said depression hit as hard as it did during those days though, and it worried her.

She tried her best to cheer Erin up, with an endless supply of jokes, cheesy one-liners and dance moves; and while she did get small smiles from the redhead for her efforts, it was far from how Erin usually reacted, no giggling and no laughter, only making her concerns grow.

Holtzmann found herself wondering if perhaps, she should talk to Abby about this, find out if the researcher knew anything about this; it didn’t seem right though to talk about Erin behind her back like this, and so, she decided against it, figuring that if Erin wanted to talk to her, she’d come to her, and that she’d just keep trying to cheer her up until then.

And so, this was what Holtzmann did, working hard to make her girlfriend smile; despite her best efforts though, Erin seemed to get more and more depressed with each day that passed, and even though Holtzmann had told herself that she wouldn’t pry and prod, this got increasingly difficult the worse Erin’s state became.

Then, a week before Christmas, Holtzmann walked into the room just as Erin apparently ended a phone call, and from the way the physicist was staring at her phone, she could tell at once that it hadn’t been a pleasant one.

Not quite sure if she should say something, Holtzmann paused, trying to figure out how to handle this; before she could come to a conclusion though, Erin let out a sigh and put her phone onto the table, then turned to look at her, and the sadness and pain in her eyes made Holtzmann’s heart clench up.

“Hey”, she said, deciding in this instant that whatever was causing this pain for Erin had been going on long enough and that, even if Erin might not feel like talking about it, she had to do _something_ to make this better, “Erin. Sweetheart. You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong but… Is there anything I can do?”

Erin gave her another unhappy look, let it happen though that Holtzmann wrapped her up in an embrace; she hugged her back and rested her head against the engineer’s shoulder, and for a while, they just stood there, Holtzmann rubbing Erin’s back in an attempt to comfort her, hating it to see the woman she loved in such pain.

“I’m sorry”, Erin sighed after a while, raising her head again to look at her girlfriend, “for being so glum all the time. It’s our first Christmas together, I shouldn’t…”

“Don’t be sorry”, Holtzmann told her at once, still rubbing her back tenderly, “it’s not your fault. I just want to make you feel better, so if there is anything I can do to help…”

“Destroy my phone”, Erin glumly suggested, earning a confused look from her girlfriend, “so my mother can’t call me anymore. But then she’d probably call here at the firehouse, so…”

“Also I can’t send you any more inappropriate texts if I destroy your phone, so no”, Holtzmann said, glad when she earned a weak smile, “but maybe there is something else I can do to make you feel better.”

“Can we go somewhere?” Erin asked in response, not truly feeling like going out, but knowing that staying cooped up in the firehouse would only make her feel worse, give her mind too much time to spiral into darker and darker areas; Holtzmann nodded at once, eyes lighting up, the enthusiasm in her voice making Erin smile a bit again as the engineer replied. “Certainly, my lovely muffin. I just have to look something up first, give me five minutes?”

“Sure”, Erin replied, not bothering to ask what exactly Holtzmann wanted to look up, knowing the engineer wouldn’t tell her; Holtzmann gave her another bright smile, then kissed her briefly, but tenderly, bouncing in excitement after the short kiss.

“Be right back, bundle up in the meantime!” she then said, earning another small smile from the physicist, along with a nod; and while Holtzmann rushed off to look up God knew what, Erin went to find her winter coat, her scarf and woollen cap, well aware that it was somewhat cold outside and not wanting to catch a cold on top of her troubles.

It didn’t take long until Holtzmann came back, dressed up warmly as well; she smiled brightly as she held her hand out to the physicist and asked if she was ready to go, Erin nodding reluctantly, wanting to know where exactly they would be going, but knowing that Holtzmann wouldn’t tell her – if she had gone through the trouble of looking something up, she would want to surprise her, and any questions wouldn’t be answered, the physicist knowing her girlfriend well enough at this point to be sure of it.

“You’ll have to lead the way”, she thus just said as they left the firehouse together, the feeling of Holtzmann’s hand holding on to hers helping her with keeping the dark thoughts at bay, “since I don’t know where we’re going.”

“You’ll like it”, Holtzmann promised her, squeezing her hand reassuringly, eager to take her mind off whatever unpleasantness had been making her so sad, “it’s the sort of romantic, cheesy thing I never would have done for anyone before you came into my life.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, smiling a bit, already feeling a bit better; it was a bit amazing, she thought to herself, how Holtzmann could do that, make her feel better by simply being _there_ , without doing much more than spending time with her and being herself. She’d never had anyone like Holtz in her life before, and while they hadn’t been dating for long, she already couldn’t imagine life without the blonde engineer anymore, and it frightened her a bit how attached she already was to the other woman, not sure what she would do, should things ever go sour between them.

These thoughts were dangerous though, just as dangerous as the other unpleasant ones which had been plaguing her mind the past few days; and so, Erin forced them back down, focusing instead on how nice this was, the weather was cold, but not so cold that it would have been uncomfortable, she was with Holtzmann, and they were on their way to what certainly would be a pleasant outing, the physicist well aware that Holtzmann had made it her mission for the day to cheer her up.

The blonde led the way to the subway, still refusing to tell Erin where exactly they were going; several people recognized them, one of them brave enough to ask for a picture, the smile Erin forced onto her face feeling so fake that she was sure even this complete stranger would be able to tell that it hadn’t been genuine.

Even if the stranger couldn’t tell, Holtzmann could, and she gave Erin’s hand another tender squeeze, along with a warm, reassuring look; the physicist managed another smile for her, a weaker, but more genuine one, then the engineer tugged at her hand, sounding excited again when she let her know that the next stop would be theirs.

Feeling curious now, Erin got off the train with her girlfriend, and let her lead the way yet again; they didn’t have to walk far, and she felt her mood truly rise for the first time in days when they rounded a corner and found themselves in front of a Christmas market, Holtzmann letting out a “Tadaaa” as she flung out her free arm with a flourish.

“It’s only open this week”, she then added while Erin took in the bright lights, the vendors and the large Christmas tree which had been put up in the middle of the market, “and I figured it’d be a nice thing to check it out, we can drink punch and eat Bratwurst and candy canes.”

“It’s lovely”, Erin reassured her, smiling, “thank you for taking me here. Shall we get some punch, then?”

Holtzmann nodded enthusiastically and once more led the way, her boundless energy being enough to make people move out of their path; holding on to her hand, Erin walked along with her, until they found a stall selling punch, getting a cup there each, Erin’s eyes going wide after she had taken the first sip.

“Wow, that stuff is strong”, she then said, eying the cup suspiciously, “are we sure this is punch and not just pure alcohol?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann smirked, “gives us a good excuse to eat unhealthy, fat stuff. Like Bratwurst! They have this Austrian vendor here, he sells the most amazing sausage you’ve ever tasted, believe me.”

“I’m just going to trust your judgement”, Erin smiled, feeling much better already; Holtzmann beamed at her, then stole a brief kiss before she led the way to the stall with the sausage she had praised so highly.

Erin had to agree with her, it was a very amazing sausage indeed; and as they kept strolling over the market, looked at the stalls and had more punch and unhealthy food, she started to feel much better, relaxed and even a bit happy by the time they stopped in front of the Christmas tree.

“Thank you, Holtz”, she thus said after they just had admired said tree for a while – even though Holtzmann had found it necessary to point out that she could have made the lights much brighter and prettier, “that… really helped. And thanks for being so patient about my moods.”

“Nothing to thank me for, hot stuff”, Holtzmann reassured her; Erin smiled, not quite agreeing about this, but not wanting to argue, pulling her in for a kiss instead, suddenly feeling almost giddy – here they were after all, at such a lovely, romantic place, and she was kissing the woman she loved in front of a beautifully decorated Christmas tree, the feeling of Holtzmann’s lips on hers and her hand in her hair obliterating all the dark thoughts which had been plaguing her for the past few days.

“It was about my parents”, she blurted out once they had pulled apart again, before she could lose her nerve, telling herself Holtzmann wouldn’t judge her or get upset with her for what had happened, after all, Holtz had been nothing but supportive even before this relationship had begun, “I… I finally told them that we’re dating, and their reaction was to tell me that I don’t need to come by for Christmas then. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me so much, but it hurt, I told them how happy you make me and that was their reaction. I guess after being a Ghostbuster and leaving Columbia, dating a woman was the last straw.”

She sighed, briefly feeling bad about the things her mother had said to her – she wouldn’t quote them back to Holtzmann, because she feared that, if she did, Holtz might jump onto the next plane to Michigan just to punch them in the face, then managed another smile as the engineer gave her a sympathetic look, well aware of how difficult the relationship between Erin and her parents always had been.

“But you know what”, the physicist said, earning a questioning look from her girlfriend, “screw them, I’ve let them influence my choices and my life for way too long. I’m happy with you, I love you, and if they can’t handle this just because you don’t have a dick, well, their loss.”

“Doctor Erin Gilbert, you said dick, I am shocked”, Holtzmann replied with a laugh, glad when Erin giggled a bit as well; her gaze softened, and she squeezed the older woman’s hand again, her tone as kind and caring as her eyes when she continued. “That’s the best way to think though. I know it hurts, but you know you can always come to me about such things right? Because I love you too.”

“I know”, Erin reassured her, “and thank you.”

She gave Holtzmann another smile, then pulled her in for yet another kiss; and as it deepened, the last of her sadness and pain vanished into nothingness and she allowed herself to simply be happy, not caring anymore what people thousands of miles away thought of her and her relationship.


End file.
